Today

Today is the second anniversary of the twins' monoamniotic pregnancy diagnosis. I don't know why, but just remembering the date still cuts so raw to all of the emotions we went through. I sometimes feel guilty for "remembering" the fear and pain of this trial, for my outcome was positive. I eventually brought home two babies. But the fear of loss was there. It was there every single minute of every single day. The thought of that fear, combined with the reality of my blessings really strikes the chord of my emotions. Two years ago today, I was 25 weeks pregnant, had been on home bedrest for 12 days, was contracting every two minutes, and was scared out of my mind. It was on this day and after much pushing on our part for a referral, that we met with a wonderful doctor at the University of Chicago.

After a two hour ultrasound and a lot of waiting, we were told of the twins' situation. I was told that I would be going nowhere until these boys were born. I remember my husband holding me as we cried....scared of losing these babies....scared of what we would have to do with our then 19 m old daughter...scared of it all. I was admitted to the Labor and Delivery unit because of the contractions I had been having since that Christmas Day. I was on that floor for four days and sleepless nights. It was awful. I had to hug my little Vivian goodbye, because as wonderful as it would have been for her to stay in her own home and be able to come visit me, there was no one there to help Rich out. My always giving and loving family drove from MO to pick her up, and with them she stayed until I came home. So as I lie in bed in L&D fearful of this now extremely high risk twin pregnancy and missing my husband and daughter, I had to listen to woman after woman scream, curse, cry, etc while delivering healthy babies. By night four they worked it out to have me moved to the Antipartum Speciality Care Unit...like ICU for pregnant women. My doctor was always there with a smile! He wanted me to get to 34 weeks, but when he would set goals for me, I could see it in his eyes....I don't think he really thought we would make it that far. But he was positive and caring, and that helped me to think the same.

This is what happens in a monoamniotic twin pregnancy - cord entanglement. As the babies grow, cords can compress and cut off oxygen for the babies, resulting in death to one or both. For more information visit http://www.monoamniotic.org/ Read the introduction and welcome letter for information/statistics on this rare twin type.

I later learned that Arizona was in the room behind me, but the only time we got to see each other was if we were in our wheelchairs waiting for ultrasounds. You see, we were lucky to get a 15 min. shower/bathroom break and unhook from the monitors that now ruled our days and nights.

Above all, after all of the difficulties, the needle pokes/iv changes, amniotic reductions, Down's scare, CF scare, the anger, fear, sadness, and loneliness, I was lucky...I was blessed to have my doctor, attending team, nurses, and staff care so much about what they did. I was blessed by God to have the strength to endure it all, to think positive about the outcome, and to have two baby boys delivered safely. For 50 days I was in that hospital bed praying for two boys to hold in my arms. 54 days later I was discharged - free to go home, which was an experience all its own. Day 55 I got to hold my baby girl again - though it took her a few minutes to warm up to me.

Two years later, and just as they were in the womb, I have active little boys! Baby B(August) is still a bit pushy and likes to claim all of the space around Mommy as his( as he did in utero) Baby A (Angus) holds his own and pushes back when he needs to (just like in utero)! They are both sweet, loving, kind little men, with the cutest dimples I've ever seen....just like Daddy. The new screaming and temper tantrums drive me crazy. Their smiles melt my heart everytime. I never let a day go by, that I don't look at their NICU pictures I have hanging in their bedroom, and thank God for the gift of their lives. I thank God for choosing me to endure this trial....for choosing me to aide him in this great miracle.